Twitch-O-Meter: Five Things I Learned In Cannes

5. There's always someone more obsessive than you are. Yep, it's true. By most standards I know an awful lot about international cinema, both cult and mainstream. I knew a bunch before starting Twitch and have learned a hell of a lot more since. But the mantra at Cannes? "No, actually, I haven't heard of that one." There's a lot of stuff there and a lot of people who know a lot more about it than I do. Zowie.

4. Learned helplessness can be a good thing. Cannes is big. No, check that. Cannes is freaking huge. Imagine the largest film event you've ever been to. Now double it. Then triple that. You are now approximately on the scale of Cannes once you take the markets and after hours socializing - where by far the majority of the important stuff happens - into account. It's dizzying, frankly. And any attempt at actually seeing everything that you want to and checking off all the little boxes on your to-do list is absolutely futile. Can't be done. The sooner you learn this and stop trying the saner you will be when you leave.

3. People panhandling in tuxedos are funny. Really. Want to get into a competition screening at the Lumiere? You need two things: black tie formal wear and an invitation. Lots of people have tuxes but the invites are a bit harder to come by. And so, every day you get lots of people - and I mean LOTS of people - roaming the area in front of the Lumiere in tuxes and evening gowns with little hand written signs asking if you'll please be the nicest person in the history of ever and give them your spare invitation. As someone who spent five years working full time in homeless shelters I found this absurdity more than a little amusing.

2. Cannes needs better theaters. Really. Other than the Lumiere and the Hilton I wasn't impressed by any of the screening rooms I saw a film in and I think I hit them all but one. Could be wrong, but I'm fairly confident on that point. And other than those two they were all pedestrian at best, dingy and cramped at worst.

1. Capitalism may not be such a good thing after all. Two reasons: hotels in Cannes don't just go to peak period pricing during the festival - they quadruple and quintuple their rates and refuse to rent out rooms for anything less than the complete run no matter how long you may actually be staying. I know people who opted to stay in Nice and cab it back and forth rather than take out a second mortgage to drop the 6K Euros the hotels were asking. I know international sales agents forced to sleep in their offices because they couldn't afford a room. And then there are the cabbies. They quite literally have a little button attached to the meter that they can tap to jack the rate any time they want. When riding with a local our fare back to the hotel was under ten Euros. Travel by ourselves and that same ride would run anywhere between fifteen and twenty. Grr.