REVIEW OF SPIDERMAN 3

At 2 hours 19 minutes Spiderman 3 plays like Bollywood without the musical numbers. Wait that is an insult to Bollywood. Sam Raimi has finally gone and done it. He’s a made a bad, almost boring movie. Entertaining in spots, occasionally funny only very occasionally thrilling, this overblown sequel manages to be less entertaining than X3 and even more predictable. That’s right haters. I said X3 was a better movie than Spiderman 3. It juggles more characters more effectively, has better effects in spots and is a heckuva lot more fun than this mess.

The main problems? Besides some surprisingly ineffective CGI the film, like many other superhero flicks, just has too many darn villains and feels suspiciously like Sam Raimi has grown bored with the franchise.

First let me tell you what I liked. The main cast are all very good in their roles. The first fight sequence between Harry and Peter is one of the very best in the whole series and a little bit of the Sandman stuff looks awesome-especially the dynamic giant sand monster sequence at the end. Also impressive is the black suit which seems very much alive if awfully choosy about when to latch on to its next victim. And Bruce Campbell has a cameo in this movie to die for playing a French headwaiter. Forget any other cameo the man has had this is hysterically funny, and a real gift to fans.

Now on to the hard part, I really don’t like to say it, but, this movie is simply forgettable.

How can a movie about a human spider not have a leg to stand on? This is a long drawn out melodramatic mess sprawling through situations that so broad as to be beyond emotional resonance. I never cared much whether Peter and MJ got together, stayed together or for that matter wound up in a kinky threesome with Harry. That would make almost as much sense as anything else that seems to motivate these characters.

I never cared much whether Peter and Harry resolved their conflicts and became friends. I almost cared if Sandman got to see his daughter again. I really, really didn’t care what happened to Venom. And MJ? This movie is simply gutless in giving us a Peter Parker MJ story arc that could have been lifted straight out of the OC, or As the World Turns. Characters die, turn bad, and turn good again, all at the drop of a hat and in the end bad writing just gets worse in an attempt to resolve the storylines. And there is one scene in this movie that actually made me want to contact Raimi to see what on earth he was thinking. It involves Harry’s butler- a character barely glimpsed in the film but who emerges at a key moment to give advice that a better written movie would have avoided altogether, an adequate film would have at least put those words in the mouth of someone we know and have invested in.

Which speaks to another issue. Why is Harry still in this series of movies? His story arc is impossibly over wrought and his amnesia in this film is the weakest possible filmmaking conceit. Goblin Jr.? Look either do another Goblin flick or don't Sam. This movie did not need the padding out.

Sandman? We’re given a great origin sequence, a reasonably compelling back story and a by the numbers fleshing out that despite Thomas Hayden Church’s earnest and skillful efforts feels too been there done that due mainly to the poor script. The final scene between Spidey and Sandman is well acted but ultimately fluff. Venom? He doesn’t appear until the last act and is treated rather unforgivably like a simple movie monster. His human counterpart Eddie Brock is drawn in the broadest possible terms and even though Topher Grace does what he can the role just isn’t substantive enough to come alive for anyone who’s a true fan of the comics.

Last but not least the CGI in this movie is too much too late in the franchise. We move from obviously cartooned images into live action in a jarring series of overlong uninspiring ineffective effects sequences.

If this movie commits one unpardonable sin it’s that it is forgettable- almost completely.

Am I saying don’t go see Spiderman 3? Only go on opening weekend if you’ve already seen Disturbia and Hot Fuzz. Otherwise you’ll be missing two fine films all in the hopes of getting your summer movie buzz on early.