Readers, once again we find ourselves having to apologize for Dave Canfield. Those of you who remember his disastrous interview with Hostel director Eli Roth will be glad to know he’s out of physical rehab. Rather than fire him we opted for a treatment plan which he recently graduated from and so to celebrate we offered him the following assignment. Once again he has screwed up in spectacular fashion. The following was transcribed essentially without edit as Dave is not yet conscious and able to guide us through the process.
We have taken the liberty of translating some of the conversations between Tony and his interpreter in the hopes that it will help the reader place the blame squarely where it belongs.
INTERVIEW WITH TONY JAA
Sounds of Dave talking in hushed tones to interpreter.
DAVE: (Very loudly) I am so pleased to meet you Tony. I have been a fan for awhile now.
INT: Tony says he does not need you to speak so loudly. He actually understands English quite well.
DAVE: Oh. Yes. Well I actually know a little bit of Thaiwanese.
INT: Actually we refer to our language as Thai.
DAVE: Yes, yes. I learned most of it off the back of restaurant menus. Pad Thai is…
Tony speaking in hushed tones to interpreter.
INT: Tony says perhaps we should start interview now.
DAVE: Yes. Um…well. I understand that you see yourself as a sort of cultural ambassador for Thailand?
TONY: Yes this is what I want for people to experience the real Thailand. Too often people only experience Bangkok and even then it is a very stylized version. I come from a small country village.
DAVE: Yes your films are usually set in rural locales. Is that a conscious thing?
TONY: It is good to show the city but the city is a newer aspect of Thailand. The heart of Thailand are the villages where it's traditions and beliefs have been centered.
DAVE: Where do elephants fit in?
TONY: Elephants are sacred in Thailand almost like Gods. I keep two elephants myself. We still use elephants in public ceremonies. They are very respected. My elephants are named Flower and Leaf. They are not pets. I feel it is my duty to take care of them.
DAVE: Isn't Flower kind of a sissy name for such a big animal?
TONY: Sissy?
At this point Tony's interpreter whispers in Tony's ear. Tony turns red and stands up. He leaves the room and we hear the sound of a door closing. Suddenly the muffled sound of smashing wood and glass can be heard.
DAVE (to interpreter) Is Tony okay? Have I offended him?
INT: He fine. Remembered that he must take training break. Must train all the time.
We hear door open and Tony speaks to interpreter.
INT: Tony say maybe we could talk about Muay Thai?
DAVE: Well, I did have a lot of elephant questions?
INT: Trust me. Elephant and Muay Thai closely linked.
DAVE: Okay, Tony how are elephants and Muay Thai linked?
TONY: Like most martial arts Muay Thai moves are symbolic. Hands and legs become tusks and trunks. Elephants used to be used in war. Now they are not but my family has kept them for generations.
DAVE: So is Muay Thai a way to become more like an elephant? I'm not sure I understand?
TONY: NO! Muay Thai is a way of life, of respect for teachers, parents, to live a good life! Is not just a way to fight.
DAVE: Do you ever fight elephants or…
INT: I think Tony is trying to say that Muay Thai is very spiritually based. It is about the whole person. Elephants are merely beings of a very high level.
DAVE: OH, YES I SEE. Good. Um….well besides elephants, what other things inspire you to Muay Thai?
TONY: My father was also a Mui Thay boxer and a great man. He gave me permission to study with my idol Panna Rittikrai. This was the beginning of a long friendship. I am so lucky to have met him.
DAVE: It must be something to be able to have been involved in the infancy of Thai action cinema. It seems like Thai stuntmen take more risks than their counterparts around the world.
TONY: For Thai stuntmen everything is movie, movie, movie and money. We want industry to grow and to do our best. Panna provides very family like set to work on. We all knew we would be taken care of. He was like a father to me. Now he is a good friend and a colleague.
DAVE: Do you think you could kick his butt?
TONY: uh…(confused) This I would not do….
DAVE: Oh come on! Haven’t you ever wanted to put the tusk to him. I mean I had this fourth grade teacher…
INT: Maybe you should ask Tony about new movie?
DAVE: This is gonna be one of those interviews huh? Okay, tell me about your new movie.
TONY: It’s called The Protector.I uncover a government conspiracy while chasing men who have stolen my families elephants
DAVE: Do you think you will ever make a movie without elephants? I mean circus flicks don’t do very well stateside. Like did you ever see Pee Wee’s Big Top? It totally bombed…
TONY: UH…UH (sound of breaking glass)…
DAVE:l Dude you broke your water glass? Coool… You know you and Stephen Chow and Jet Li are so tiny but you can do all these cool tricks. I bet you could totally revive the circus movie. Here stateside we used to have this franchise about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and we also had Surf Ninjas. You guys should remake Surf Ninjas!
Tony: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!! (Sound of splintering wood)
INT: No Tony! Remember Pasadena!
Sound of Tony talking to interpreter.
INT: Tony says he will only continue the interview with you if you arm wrestle him.
DAVE: What?
INT: He says he has never been this insulted before and that you are a disgrace to your profession and he will only continue to speak with you if he can- how do you Americans say- whoop your butt- while he does so.
DAVE: Well with all due respect please inform MISTER Jaa that I was arm wrestling champion of my high school two years running.
INT: Mr Jaa says he scared.
DAVE: Tell Jaa-Jaa Binks when I’m through with him George Lucas won’t be able to hire him to wear one of his muppet suits? Would it help if I got on my knees so we could look each other in the eye?
TONY: I am big action movie star!!
DAVE: Look when you need a body double do they have to call Little People of Thailand or do they just…
Int. can be heard in background calling to ask for new coffee table. We’ll skip ahead at this point. Room service has delivered the needed table.
TONY: We go now!
DAVE: You sure you don’t need a chance to call home to talk to Root and Weed?
TONY: Flower and Leaf, Flower and Leaf moron. Flow….
DAVE: WHATEVER!!
INT: I should warn you Mr Canfield that Tony is quite capable of snapping the bones of your upper arm.
Dave: In the words of “The Emperor’s New Groove” Bring it on!
At this point on the tape we hear the sounds of two hands clapping together except without the Zen connotations. Then much struggle. Quite frankly without the photos to prove it we would have finally fired Dave but he did beat Tony fair and square and it’s kind of exciting to be able to point that out. See if nancy boys like Tom Mes or Grady Hendrix have anybody on staff who can make that claim. We will spare you the grunts and name calling but the tape ends with the following conversation.
TONY: Ow!!Owwww!!!STOP STOP!!You’re breaking my….
INT: Tony clap the table!!! Surrender! We fight another day!
TONY: Okay okay!!!
DAVE: Say Flower is a sissy name!!
TONY: Auuuuugh!!!
DAVE: Say it!
TONY: Okay, Flower is a sissy name.
DAVE: Okay then.
Sounds of whimpering. Then Tony and Dave agree to set aside their differences. A pic is taken to commemorate the event which shows Tony to be pretty awestruck.
INT: You know I do training on the side. Tony does not have a protégé yet.
DAVE: Hmmmm…. I wouldn’t have to suck up to the elephants would I…
At this point the sounds on the tape become basically indecipherable. Tony is shrieking, glass and wood are heard breaking and Dave is screaming the word “Sorry!!” over and over again while the int. is on the phone to the Police.
Ridiculous.
I made interview with Jackie Chan. Will you publish it?
awesome !!! :)
any larger pics?
Seriously.. wtf is this?
"Seriously.. wtf is this?"
yeah, wtf is this?
get this unfunny crap off my twitch kthxbye
Jeez, Tony's such a jerk!
Seriously, that was hilarious. Especially the first time Tony goes out and starts breaking stuff.
I don't mind Dave wanting to have fun with a fake write up or self-promotion, but do it on his own time and quit wasting ours.
I don't go to film news sites for fan fiction.
Wow may I say there are some sour pusses out there. Smile people! BTW Tony gladly particpated in this bit of nonsense and said it was the most fun he's had on a press tour. And there is an interview in there. I ddidn't change any substantive comments and did actually beat him at arm wrestling. Any of you manly enough to step up to plate?!
And I guess I'd add one more thing. I would hope that in life when we encounter something unexpected we'd have a better response than grumpiness.Firing these short little cutting remarks off doesn't make for a thoughtful or rewarding experience for anybody I'd guess-including the grumpers themselves.
Made me laugh. Now give us clickable pictures to see them full size! :)
hahaha that was nice. Rock on, Canfield.
Pickles. Asses. Remove.
Nah, I like interviews a lot. And think they add a lot to a film, and sometimes detract from the star's "persona" that can overpower a film sometimes, especially someone like Tony Jaa. I'm, personally, not into interviews that are more about the interviewer than the subject, where half of it is the interviewer talking for a paragraph and the dude saying, "yeah, exactly." What's the point? I think the same rule applies if I have to wade through schtick to get to anything.
I'm sure it's fun and all, I guess this is what we'll have to expect when we click on a Canfield interview. Not an interview.
Is that constructive criticism? Boils down to "not my cup of tea."
Then don't read it?
I think half of those short comments were made by the same person anyway
Nope, IPs are all different. That's a pet issue of mine, actually, so I do tend to check. I hate when people do that ...
I had fun reading this. Funniest interview I've read in years. I gotta bookmark this page
I think the problem is that it's difficult to tell whether you were trying to interview Jaa or participate in a comedy sketch with him.
That's hilarious! Always good to get a little laugh!
HAHA. It's always fun to get a little laugh in the morning. Thanks for sharing!
That shit was stupid
I don't know what exactly Dave wanted from his stupid interview.
Is this sort of man kind of respectable in America?
He really sucks!!
this canfield guy is a very embarassing, disrespectful guy. i dont think he values anyones values or beliefs. he should not be allowed to interview celebrities if he is going to be a clown. no wonder there is so much negative feedback for this interview. there were alot of insulting things said to tony jaa. tony may have gladly participated in this bit of nonsense, but im pretty sure he didnt know that he was going to be insulted the way that he was. GROW UP DAVE CANFIELD.....
Dave Canfield is really ridiculous and too much! What kind of interview is this? Is this the right way to interview a actor? He is insulting and offending Tony Jaa! Dave Canfield should apologise to Tony!
I have offered Tony a rematch as soon as his press junket is over. So far no word. I hate to use the word coward but hi sislence speaks volumes.
As for all of you who have questioned whether I am for real or not. I feel it probably the right time to reveal my true identity.
I am Sly Stallone.
That's right- I am the author of Rocky, I am Rambo. And I've been secretly obssessed with armw restling ever since my BO Bomb Over the Top. Relentless training has brought me this far and it was time to test my limits. The only way to get close to Tony was to build this fake Canfield identity.
If I offended any of you out there because your precious hero couldn't take as good as he gives I live at 920 W. Wilson Ave in Chicago Illinois. Come get some.
tony jaa is acool movie star
If there is a coward, it's Dave. SOB.
Considering Dave's weight and Tony's weight,............ who is a coward???
Man this Canfield guy is so disrespectful. Thai culture and religon meant the world to Tony Jaa and he just kept making jokes up about it. He treated Thai religon and culture like crap!! I would be stoked to have won an arm wrestling match wit my hero and inspiration in life, Tony Jaa, but I wouldn't make him say his elephant's name is lame and insult wat he beleives in!!
The Thai treat elephants lyk gods. Tony even said himself that he doesn't think of his elephants as pets but his responsibility 2 look afta them!! He called them bloody root and weed!! At first I thought it was funny but then I thought Tony loves those elephants so much and was probally annoyed wit Canfield's smartass remarks lyk Pad Thai!! God he is such an arrogant and insolent wanna be!!!
Considering Tony's weight with the smartass' weight, no wonder he won!! Stupid fat smartass!! Man you need to learn to have more respect and courtesy for others!! I'm just glad that Tony stayed calm and didn't show his anger. Tony is a very respectful and non-arrogant guy who doesn't like to be friends with everyone. That canfield jackass better get his fat rear into gear or he will probally get fired.
Just one piece of advice to you m8. Please learn to respect people. It's fine to have a joke here and there but don't take it 2 far. Man this is constructive critisism. Plz use this advice B4 u get ur ass whooped by sum1. I hope Mr. Tony Jaa hasn't stereotyped the American attitude to Thai people through that interview. He probally hasn't but just 2 put it out in the open, I'm OZZIE!!!!
thats not even Tony in that pic... ive met him in Dallas for the Ong Bak release.. and thats not him...
People, get a grip.
a) Yes, that is Tony. Without a doubt. The interview was done in Chicago on the press junket for The Protector, photo taken by the interpreter.
b) Welcome to the world of satire, people. And what's being poked fun at here certainly isn't Tony. We're fully aware of the respect Tony has for his culture and share that respect, as even the briefest search of the archives here would show. What Dave is doing here - as he did in the Eli Roth interview mentioned in the piece - is mocking the shallowness of American celebrity culture. Tony got the joke. Tony participated gladly in the joke. Tony said it was the most fun he'd had doing an interview through the entire junket to that point.
And I whooped that tiny Thai butt!! yes I did!!! Bring it on people!!!!
canfield u look like a retard... and by the way tony could have broke your wrist if he really wanted to.
shitcan u look like a retard... and by the way im pretty sure tony could have just broke your whole arm if he seriously wanted to.
Canfield behaved like stupid 12-year-old.
That was one of the funniest things I have ever read!
FOR dumb asses who don't understand ASIAN culture.!!!!,that's like asking BRUCE LEE'S PUNCHES ARE SISSY FIED!!!!!!!!DUMB ASS REPORTERS..MAKES ME SICK... those are the who don't know anything about martial arts..!!!!!people like that still have there thumb in there ass,and one in there's,MOMMY MOUTH!!!!!!!!called; ASS OF MADNESS. aka.IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS
that sucks ass!!!!!!!!!!!! *blah*
Yeah Tory, Tony is a jerk! So sexy, it's offensive, gosh!
i agree with vansa
i agree with vansa
though it was pretty funny when tony started breaking stuff
Is the interviewer an American by any chance? I'm all for the use of humour and obviously Mr. Jaa has one but....sensationalism at its best, eh! Mr. Jaa, come to Canada. We tend to be a little less provincial (Interpreter: There is intelligent life outside the U.S.A.) here.
Great satire. What a treat!
Have just got throug watchin 'The Warrior King' after seeing 'Onk Bak'. Tony Jaa is the undisputed new martial arts superstar. This interview refelcts the great Thai sense of humour and how it relates to the 'Western school', good interview, funny and satirical in an almost British sense!
HI TONY JAA !!!
U R SO HSNDSOME AND VERY FIGHTER MAN.
PLEASE SEND ME YOUR E MAIL ADD.
OK BYE
ANU KARKI FROM NEPAL.
XD I think Tony Jaa visually harrasses me... the gorgeousness has just GOT to stop! (jks jks)
I have to admit, this was pretty hilarious! You guys, even though your intentions are noble and you want to defend the Thai culture, lighten up a little? If Tony took no offence from this, then neither should you. And besides, didn't you chuckle just a little?
^^ And I guess P'Jaa doesn't arm wrestle often. Most of the time he is breaking peoples' arms or doing some crazy flips on the big screen. So let's say our American pass-time isn't his forte?
Much love,
SabZ
How Dare you insult mr. tony jaa like that. have you know shame? what if some one ask you the same thing about your pride belonging. dude your messed up. even i would do a better job as an interviewer than you. you realy know how F@#* an interview your the worst. flower and leaf has me meaning. they wouldnt just name there elephants flower and leaf with out a reason. think twice not to insult or offend. cuz in the end you'll end up like shit. and i hope that god makes you see that. ass-whole.
Okaaaaay; we get the picture, Mark. No need to repeat yourself 4 freakin times bro. Anyways, this is what I think: the interview was really funny, but then again, I wasn't insulted by it (obviously). No kind of humor is funny to all types of people; there's always gonna be somebody who doesn't like it - and that's okay. Everyone has different ideas about what's funny and what's crossing the line. But think about this: if the interviewee was somebody who was ugly and not well-liked/known, would that have made you think about the interview any differently? As long as you don't tease the other person to the point where you really hurt them, then I have no qualms about it.
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