An Open Letter To Uwe Boll.

Good luck, man. Something needs to beat some sense into this man, and if not the low box office returns and a critic's pen, then why not a critic's fist? A word of advice, though, if you do get chosen, please train or something cause Uwe is no doubt training his life out to be able to make such a cocky challenge. Hopefully, I'm wrong, but I can see his angle in all this...

Oh, he used to box so no doubt he'll have a lot more skill than me. Hopefully I'll get a few shots of my own in, though ...

I just have a feeling that critics that are anorexic 10 pound girls will be chosen to meet this guy in the ring.

Todd, that was great. Go for it.

Ha ha ha. I think Todd can hold his own, being a firefighter means you've got to stay fit as shit so I'm fairly sertain that he could do some damage if he wants to.
Uwe was, and probably still is, a boxer. Seeing how his films have been panned like no other must frustrate the hell out of him so a tripto the gym must remidy that quickly. I'm sure he'll knock the shit out of some poor sucker who thinks he can take him on. Most of these outspoken "critics" (I don't know if he means actual working critics or IMDB couch critics) are loudmouth aicn talkback idiots who usualy don't leave the house or have any interaction with the general public.
I hope Ebert accepts the invitation.

He wanted to fight 5 critics rite? one on one or all at the same time? judging from all those grays hairs and that retarded smirk he has on his mug he would do himself a service by keeping his mouth shut.

Goodluck Todd. I sure as hell hope you get picked. I'd love to see Boll get the shit knocked out of him. So if you do end up selected, train hard!

Ironically, you'd end up in Boll's latest shitfest too. So either way I suppose, Boll wins.

i read your myspace a couple of days ago and recall that you are 6'5.
do us justice todd.

You know this might actually make one of his films worth sitting through...

I can actually hear the Rocky theme tumbling in the wind from all the way across here in Edinburgh...Seriously, I would train to within an inch of my life and then KO him in the first round.

"There, make a movie out of that Doctor."

If there is any justice left in this world, someone will get to inflict equal amounts of pain on this man - why not Todd? After all, Uwe (which is such a fitting name for him. Kind of like the sound you make when you watch one of his films) has inflicted so much of it on audiences everywhere. Karma and such dictates some sort of comeuppance... Hopefully, Todd will be picked and given the opportunity to kick the living crap out of this cocky SOB and thus, right the balances of justice. Just like Superman (or Wonder Woman)! :)

Good lord, to have to resort to such PR stunts to sell your film - that's just so utterly pathetic in so many ways. But if Todd manages to kick the snot out of him, I *might* just pay to see that. But somehow, I think Boll will just sort of 'fake' the fight. Smoke and mirrors, after all, is the M.O. of the film biz. But even the thought of Todd's big meat hooks connecting with this smug bastard's kisser and drawing blood - well, it just makes me all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside.

That....is....awesome...go for it dude!

Hit him below the belt!!!

Oh brother...

Uwe Boll always said that he would be killed in the film, gunned down by haters, but I think this stunt is the best PR stunt I've ever seen. It will sertanly give the film, and him, some notoriority (sp?) It's like celebrety death match come to live only Uwe isn't a celebrety.
What if Michael Bay would do the same thing? I would pay to see Brett Rattner beat the living shit out of Harry Knowles, just to shut that fat hating ass up.

Nah, Harry would be better at wrasslin' then boxing.

Boll a boxer? Well, that finally explains it. He directs like someone who's been punched in the head too many times. Good luck, Todd!

Your kidding right?! You clearly say:

"I have, in fact, written all of these things without ever once having sat through the entirety of any one of your films."

See the movies THEN comment about it. Your opinion is simply NO GOOD at all buddy.

As for his movies, I would watch anything from Boll over most of the stuff that comes out today. The guy is funny, not pretencious and full of innocence! What not to love from a guy who make million dollar movies and he has no business doing it! Well, there's Michael Bay and so many others I won't name that are doing the same... oh well.

Long live Boll!

Arcville, if you take the time to read the posts those comments were made in - they ARE linked to after all, it's not exactly difficult - you will find that the vast majority are targetted to specific things within the trailers and clips which I HAVE seen.

As for my opinion being no good, well Boll's films have "achieved" ratings (in chronological order) of 13, 6, 1 and 5 on Rotten Tomatoes and 30, 15, 9 and 18 and Metacritic. In the face of that it's abundantly clear that the VAST majority of people agree with me that it's Boll's skills as a film maker that are no good.

Like I say in the letter, when the trailers induce that much pain there's no need to see the full film unless you're just some sort of vicious masochist. Which I'm not.

Yeah, Todd, you should try actually watching the films. I've seen them all, but I don't hate them enough to want to box Uwe.

Hi Todd,

"Arcville, if you take the time to read the posts those comments were made in - they ARE linked to after all, it's not exactly difficult - you will find that the vast majority are targetted to specific things within the trailers and clips which I HAVE seen."
Well I dont judge a movie from its trailer. Just look at RUNNING SCARED. That was one terrible trailer but I loved the movie (yeah even if it has Paul Walker). Trailers and clips doesnt make a movie or director being good or not. I don't think so.

"As for my opinion being no good, well Boll's films have "achieved" ratings (in chronological order) of 13, 6, 1 and 5 on Rotten Tomatoes and 30, 15, 9 and 18 and Metacritic. In the face of that it's abundantly clear that the VAST majority of people agree with me that it's Boll's skills as a film maker that are no good"
Come on Todd! You gotta admit that most of these critics are either stucked up and living in their own world. They forget that the main goal of watching a movie is entertaining. Now if a movie actually make you think and feel, thats something else... its special but for me the worst crime ever is a boring movie!

I had much more fun watching HOUSE OF THE DEAD then THE DA VINCI CODE which came out as yet another attempt from Ron Howard on trying to duplicate Spielberg. But enough about Howard...

Watch HOUSE OF THE DEAD and then listen to the commentary track which is too funny to the belivable. ALONE IN THE DARK I hated, I think Boll got lost in trying to bring to the screen a whole mythos about a rather average video game serie. This aint LORD OF THE RING.

I have yet to see BLOODRAYNE but I will try to get it soon. I'd rather watch something from that "genius" mind of Dr.Boll then anything from Paul W. Anderson, Ron Howard, Michael Bay and others...

So see the movie, especially HOUSE OF THE DEAD! Its good in a NIGHTMARE CITY / BURIAL GROUND kinda way!

^^^^
Well hell, there were people who thought "You Got Served" was good too, it doesn't make them right...

And on the topic of not seeing the films, you don't have to stick your hand in water to know it's wet, and you don't have to smell crap to know it stinks.

"And on the topic of not seeing the films, you don't have to stick your hand in water to know it's wet, and you don't have to smell crap to know it stinks."

Yeah ok, whatever. I though that people here were a little more opend minded and more knowledgeable of the whole movie thing.

Ciao!

First of all, I wish you good luck in your endeavors. You have my vote as the champion of us movie goers who aren't gonna take any more crap from Uwe Boll. Seriously, this guy is like the reverse King Midas. He takes solid gold like House of the Dead and turns it into pure unadulterated crap.

Believe me, I like a good zombie movie as much as the next guy, but that's just it. This is not a good zombie movie. It's not even close to being a good zombie movie. The fact remains that Uwe Boll couldn't direct traffic. In all fairness, however, the writer probably deserves his part of the blame. How can you take dialog like this serious:

Rudy: You did all this to become immortal. Why?

Castillo: To live forever!

And how can you take it serious when a bunch of teenagers are suddenly able to handle firearms like seasoned soldiers even though most of them just picked up a gun and fired it for the first time?

And while we're playing the blame game, let's take a look at the acting. The only people in this movie able to act were Jürgen Prochnow and Clint "Yes, I'm Ron's brother" Howard. The rest of them were pretty, no doubt about that, but a pretty face alone does not an actor make.

And whose idea was it to intercut scenes from the original game, to which, chronologically speaking, this movie is a prequel? I know it's probably meant as an homage to the game, but frankly, it's just annoying.

I know, I could have turned off the movie at any given time, but that option was hypothetical. I have a kind of morbid curiosity when it comes to bad movies. I usually keep watching in the hope that it gets better, but it rarely does. I've suffered my way through a lot of turkeys this way, but National Lampoon's Men in White can't hold a candle to House of the Dead, when it comes to crappiness. Still in all I have to to admit that I would rather watch House of the Dead again than subject myself to the horrors of Freddy Got Fingered and Miss Castaway and the Island Girls. One can only take so much punishment.