Layer Cake Contest Winners ...

From Cameron. The shortest winning entry, but that last line just kills me.

"Madonna in a remake of The Incredible Mr. Limpet - however, it's not a straight remake of the film; it turns out Madonna becomes a Deep One as the film makes an excursion into Lovecraft territory. For some reason, this is also a non-animated musical comedy. Don Knotts plays Cthulhu."

From Blake, The Gods Must Be Crazy For You:

"An irreverent and vulgar spoiled socialite is thrown from an airplane by a careless passenger.

Landing on the head of a Kalahari bushman, he decides to bring her back to his tribe. Many fights start because some of the tribesmen want her, some of them want to kill her, but most are consumed with apathy. The bushman decides to take her back to God, but because of her Kabalistic beliefs, she insists she is “God in disguise.” Rebel soldiers and a rhinoceros get involved and a big dance number erupts; the tables are suddenly turned on the tribesman, and in a lusty tug of war, she falls in love with him."

From DMack, Lions and Blizzards:

"Lions and Blizzards - Starring Madonna as Donna Townsend (Directed by Guy Ritchie) total running time: 61 minutes, rating: PG-13 Coming straight to video and Disney DVD in fall of 2006

This musical/action/"comedy" film is essentially a Hollywood remake of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers episode of the same name.

Smash Mouth plays over the opening credits montage, in which Donna Townsend runs a number of arbitrarily-constructed obstacle courses.
She wins, and takes home a trophy to show her boyfriend Claude (played by Billy Crystal). Claude makes a number of jokes that nobody except perhaps your grandparents would find funny, should they ever have the unfortunate duty of watching the film.

The film's antagonist, Alabaster (played by Damon Wayans), is jealous of her winning and carries out a needlessly cartoonish plot to steal the trophy. Once the trophy is in his possession, Alabaster uses some kind of magic spell to transform the trophy into a giant jellyfish-monster. Donna recruits her friends Old Man Anderton (played by Vin Diesel) and Jeffery Gutierrez (played by the dog from Air Bud) to battle the Jellyfish-Monster.

The next 40 minutes of the film would be made up on the spot by the actors and crew members in a drunken "whose line is it anyway" style shouting-match of bad ideas.

The stunning climax of the movie sees our heroine and her friends playing a 3-on-3 basketball game against Alabaster's robot army. The Air-Bud dog shoots a clutch shot from downtown and wins the game in a tear-jerking slow-motion sequence.

I feel like I owe you an apology, having even written that. eugh!"